Hello all. I have had a few of my happiest days of my life. My parents took us to Legoland and I had a brilliant time. I'm not sure if I should feel like this. I mean, there is more to life, much more than hedonism (so to speak) but to say that I wasn't enjoying my time there would be ungrateful because it was stupidly expensive. My mom had made it clear that with the amount of money we spent there, we could have gone on a holiday overseas. I'm not sure if I enjoy short trips outside of the city I live in as a holiday but I know that my parents appreciate it and the fact that they spend this money on us rather than on themselves is something I don't take lightly. Besides, I would be lying if I say I wasn't enjoying myself.
And yet, I had been extremely unproductive ever since we got back from Legoland. To be honest I've had the flu bug on and off for like a month. It seems to be intermittent, nothing specific seems to make it go or get worse. One day I may wake up with a banging headache and then I'll only have a really light fever for a while with a bit of a runny or stuffy nose then comes the sore throat for a few days and then it'll leave with just the slight flu symptoms. My problem with flu for as long as I can remember is that a slight flu would make me feel like a half zombie. My sinuses would be affected and that affects my ears so I'll have some intermittent problems with alertness and balance. And I seriously dislike being robbed out of even a portion of my senses so it turns me moody and lazy.
Before I went to Legoland, I had to work and like earn this little holiday so I can play guilt free there. While I was in Legoland, thankfully, I only have a slight sniffle. If it was a normal fever, I would probably be melted to goo when I get back because I literally never opened my umbrella while I was there and we were there from the time the park opens to after closing hours (okay, I was a few hours late on the second day because my grandfather was tired so I waited for him in the hotel while my dad had his go) so I was soaked through in the evening rain and baked by the sun. Instead, I only had a headache on our way back. I've gave up on trying to solve this flu riddle.
But the point is, when I get back, there is nothing to make me work. At least no immediate consequences.
That shouldn't be an excuse. I'm not even sure why am I rambling here on DA. I usually write these crazy self-pitying quirks in my private journal but I want to guilt myself into being more productive.
Right now, my temperature is slightly up and I feel exhausted despite not doing anything. And yet being in the house alone with my sister and my grandfather highlights this lack of production onto my eyes as it always does because when my parents are about, I spend way too much time trying to evade them. Trying to see how long can I be by myself before my mom called for some chores or to nag or to tell me an awesome story or to have me to switch on the fan for her because her hands are soapy.
Not that I don't like being with her but to be honest I don't like feeling too attached to her in this way. It turns me paranoid.
And the fact is that I know that I am not a victim of her decisions but rather my own. I am a full-fledged adult. I should be in control of my feelings. Just because instinctively, this lack of control over my life makes me want to freak out, I don't have to freak out. I can just go about doing things I normally do when I am not being around my mom. It's not like she tied me to her back.
Yeah, I've probably gone waaaaaaaay too far here.
Apart from that, I wanted to note that my garden is in ruins and like half of my plants died. I still haven't gotten back to them but I am preparing a new compost bin because my old one was a clay pot and that doesn't allow my compost to breathe so I have to till it ever so often.
The hand drill has some battery issues so I used a candle to burn holes in my plastic bin and somehow that makes me feel proud.
The little things that makes my day